Daytime

I still feel the grief in my heart.

I almost don’t ever want it to leave; how I feel alone and not abandoned - somehow closer to myself than I’ve ever been because:

I don’t abandon myself.

Instead I feel my feelings with deep compassion.

I wonder what they long to share with me - to speak?

And it’s also like coming up for air.

Down in the depths, and wondering, surprised how deep I got - longing for the oxygen, just up there.

Here, this palace of feeling.

This place where I was once deceived by all the stories that told me to forget it.

Forget myself.

These parts long abandoned are coming home.

I make space……, and more space for them.

I get quiet and let the grief speak.

Volumes of myself coming up for air after a life since boyhood relegated to the gasping, deep, black water.

This new becoming is part of my metamorphosis.

- of becoming myself deeper now with less agenda.

I do not want to know how this goes…

I want to say yes to it all with a clear and full heart

To wait in the shadows and light where I will meet

the shy, quiet creature

I did not know was me

That I have been tracking all my life